Through Eyes Of An Italian Heiress

I found starfish this week, for the first time since I moved to Charleston. It is something I have prayed for a long time for. Silly as it sounds almost as a symbol of God hearing me. I love the beach and it has always been one of my favorite places, and it is the place I love to go and think and be quiet, and spend time with Jesus. This Monday it was a beautiful day here in Charleston, and I decided I was going to have a date with the Lord. That morning the Lord had brought a few verses and I couldn’t wait to really sit and dwell on them.  I would have to say it was just a sweet moment, I don’t want to share all the details but it was just a time of brokeness for me. As well as surrender. It was  beautiful.  Then somewhere in the middle  I looked up. A man was picking up a starfish. I ran to where he was and there where so many. I walked to the shore and STARFISH were everywhere. I was like  a little girl. This was the first time in my 28 years I have ever found starfish at the beach. I know it seems so childlike, but I think that is what the Lord is reminding me is to have CHILDLIKE FAITH! To Look up and continue to follow after him.

I want to share with you the verses & though you may have read them  a million times pray that the Lord speaks new things to you.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry (Psalm 40:1)

He will deliver the needy who cry out; the afflicted who have no one to help. ( Psalm 72:12)

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. (Psalm 145:18)

If we claim to be withouth sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

(1 John 1: 8-9)

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry. ” Abba, Father”

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen  ( Ephesians 3:20-22)

(Romans 8:15)

I urge you brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me. 

( Romans 15:30)

Everyday I think about the impact that my time in Cuba had on me. I truly can say I love the people there, and still long to visit with them again. I have little communication with them, because they access is not the same for them as me. I do get precious emails from time to time but they are few and far in between. I want to see our countries come to a mutual peace, one that opens the doors for freedom to go to and from. I wish you each could experience the giving hearts, selfless service, and sweet moments I have had with my friends in Cuba. I would love to return this summer for a one week mission trip. If you would be interested in going or helping me go email me at : niknak319@gmail.com and I will give you more info! Thanks!

Do you ever drive down a road and feel so at home? Do you ever smell something that instantly brings back a fond memory? Everytime I drive down the Carmichael Road it brings back memories of when it was a dirt road, and when I see their house my heart feels warm. For me my path crossed with this family when I was a young third grader, it wasnt until the fourth grade that my life truly intertwined with theirs. I would spend many days after school walking to their house, through my neighborhood I would climb over the fence and walk through the field. I spent many weekends at their house. And when I think of different phases of my life, they were apart of it. When I went home and visited the Carmichaels. I went for a walk with Kellie and then we headed to her parents house. I took my usual seat at the bar where I spent years having conversations till 2 in the morning. learning how to bake and cook. Asking Lou questions and spending quality time with my friends.  We spent the evening laughing and talking about Missy’s wedding. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for this influential family. How GREATFUL I am for the role the Lord has allowed them to play in my life. I will never be the same, they have ruined me. I truly believe that distance doesn’t change the bond I have with them. I have found true lifelong friends through the BOND only Christ can give.  Mama Lou, thank you for being one of the first and greatest spiritual influences in my life. I hope that I can live a legacy  half  like yours. Dave- Thank you for your hugs, words of encouragement, and for always “coaching me through life” you are a precious man.  Tara- I am greatful for who you have become, the moments we have shared, and your sweet spirit. You are an amazing mom, wife , and influencer in the community. Joshua Biddle- I am greatful for the friendship we shared, the laughter, and the travels… I am so proud of the man you have become and are becoming! Kellie Garden- KG, My sweet sweet friend… I can’t believe we have had the blessing of living life together this long! YOU are truly one of my life’s greatest gifts! You have loved me through some of the grossest, ugliest, most awkward times in life, you know some of the most embarrassing, silliest, craziest moments of my life, we have shared some of the hardiest, greatest and most happiest times together, THANK YOU for loving me, encouraging me, and more than anything praying and hoping for me! I can truly say you are one of my best friends! I love you! Varo-thank you for loving Kellie and bringing out the best in her, and sharing Costa Rica with me! Melissa Dawn- Mis, you my dear delight my heart. I know that although you were always Kellie’s little sister, you were just special to me. I am so greatful we had the amazing opportunity to travel to Israel together and that the LORD knew that trip would change our relationship. You have become one of my best friends. I love to experience life with you. I love that you and I see life through vibrant colors and we can appreciate some of the same things. Thank you for your hugs, your prayers, your talks, our road trips, and just being you!  I just wanted you all to know … how one family can change your life, Carmichaels you are like a warm blanket to me. I love you each so much!

As a woman we all struggle with different things. I would have to say one of our universal struggles would be our thoughts and comparison. For each one of us that may look a little different, and sometimes we embrace the beauty and the unquieness of each other.  Sometimes we tend to compare ourselves to women we don’t know very well. Women we think are a certain way, and wonder…

If you know me you know I have a heart for people, and I know the POWER of God binding up and healing our wounds. I have found that sometimes my struggle is not in the light of the day, but at night when it is dark, and as my mind starts to unwind…. sometimes I have moments.

For me tonight was one of those, I had a wonderful day. I just spent hours with amazing lifelong friends. I  came home was getting ready for bed, and I logged onto facebook. Nothing out of the norm, and I started looking at pictures. I started wondering why, so and so’s life was different than mine, and as my mind started to wonder… I could hear the echo of the words from a song playing on my itunes. What perfect timing, a little reminder…

That HE IS FOR ME, he know’s what is best, he delights in me, he loves me, and he wants what is best for me …

So I thought I should share…

You are for me… (Kari Jobe)

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you
I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are
So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you
I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that
I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

In our culture there seems to be very few things that are lasting. Today as I had lunch with these beautiful women, I was reminded of each one of our stories, and how they have intertwined. The four of us became best friends one summer in Laguna Beach, Florida (over 15 years ago). It was an unforgetable week, we were at  summer camp and what happened that week changed us forever. When you think of think of “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” think of us four. We have a ton of history and we have seen each other go through so many different things over the years.  Lauren and Keisha are both wonderful wives and moms, and Jess and I have had the blessing of living a single life and traveling and doing things that few women get to do. It is sweet to have moments of laughter together and I am so thankful for how each one of them God has used to mold me into HE wanted me to be! Thank you ladies for chasing after him, for loving me, for making me laugh, and for not being perfect and yet being perfectly real! You are each an inspiration! I love you girls!

I keep thinking about Mark and Lauren’s little girl that is due any day, Allie and how I can’t wait to be her Aunt Nikki! I feel honored to be called that, and I know she will bring sunshine and laughter to the world! Praying she gets here soon, so I can meet her! This had me thinking, and I would have to say one of my favorite names would be ” Aunt Nikki” ! I will never forget the day each of them were born. Gabbi, Mikaela, and Josiah. Those are my blood neices and nephews. They taught me what love at first sight was, I will never forget the feeling that came over me the first time I held them. Watching them grow up is wild, crazy, and fun.  They each have unquie personalities and I love that they are all different! Here are some pictures to enjoy!

So its getting near midnight & I just have had two days full of family and friends. Tonight was my going away gathering at the Carmichael’s. For those of you who live here in Paulding County, the name doesn’t just sound familiar. Everyone knows the Carmichael’s. The Lord graciously placed me in the path of the Carmichael’s in the fourth grade.  When I am at their house I feel warmth and am filled with many amazing memories.  Tonight was full of laughter, and great memories, and just a reminder to me of how blessed I truly am. Reality is starting to hit me that , all I know and hold dear is going to be miles away. The comfort of people truly loving you through some of the hardest moments in life. People that love you through your mistakes, who have laughed and held you during the hardest moments.  Every person and child there tonight was someone I loved, and have shared some of the best moments of my life with. I can’t imagine life without them. Although they are only five hours a way, and email or text message within seconds.  And God forbid I actually pick up the phone, to hear their sweet voice. This is an ending of a VERY long and beautiful chapter of my life. I am so amazed and God’s protection, provision, and constant hand in my life. I AM SO GRATEFUL and HUMBLED by the adventurous life I have lived, and the people who have journeyed with me.  So my tears are both sad and happy.  I think tonight is one of those clinging to HIM, with everything I have.  I need to be reminded that the steps I am about to take,  although they involve sacrifice… it is all for Him. His Glory. His Fame. To be known throughout the earth. And I am to desire NO EARTHLY thing more than HIM.  I want to desire HIM above all else, as much as I fail at that.   I know that nothing else satisfies.

May Update:
I am going through a ton of motions & emotions right now. Kind of like when I was little and I would ride the waves with my dad. I knew he was always there to catch me, and I always had so much fun! He always wanted me to learn on my own. Show me from a distance and be independent. You never knew when a wave was coming, and the aftermath of saltwater in my eyes, and in my nose, and a gulp that I accidentally swallowed was never fun. Yet I would do it all over again and again, and to this day still love riding the waves.
I can’t think of a better picture of my life. Knowing how my parents have raised me and what the Lord has taught me. I know they are at a distance, and of course the Lord is right there with me. And it is such an exciting time and yet there is a part of me that is scared.
I can’t believe I am ending a season of my life, at work, in my hometown, and at my church here. I am finishing the last few boxes of packing and it seems all unreal. I am very excited about moving and seeing what God has before me, and yet I am scared and honestly anxious about the the things that will be hard and just the unknown.
I am living in an adorable apartment with two amazing girls. Kim, I have known for about 10 years, and Alicia was on my staff last summer and we slept in the same room. So even though we just met a year ago, we got to know each other well. I can’t wait to share an apartment with those lovely ladies, and open our home to others!
I am going to work for a family owned daycare and I am excited about a new work adventure as well as just getting to know the families and my new coworkers. I am praying that the Lord will use me in that workplace and that this would be a great bridge for River Church into the community.
I can’t wait to start plugging into River Church and the community. My title there is connections, and praying that the LORD just gives us a great vision for how that all works! River Church has already started a core meeting bi-weekly, and a cook out bi-weekly. So I can’t wait to be apart of that.
Also in August we will start bi-weekly pre launch service’s so that is going to be awesome! So if you know anyone in the Charleston area tell them to contact us: www.riverchurch.com
Charleston, for such a time as this….
WOW! It seems to good to be true and just right. I can’t wait to live near the ocean, a lifelong dream of mine. I am moving near some of the best old friends, and have already made a bunch of new ones. I already have a job, and an apartment, next if I could only fall in love. Ha! J I don’t think I will have time for that!
Georgia, my sweet southern comfort! I will always have Georgia on my mind. This is where my roots are and although I have traveled, I always love coming home. There is so much love here, and will miss greatly. Yet I know I can’t let those things hold me back, from what the Lord has prepared.
I am just praying that He would continue to do more than I could ask, think, or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)

Beloved

Last weekend I met up with a dear sweet old friend. On my way to meet her I had been praying and asking the Lord to show me, speak to me, and I just poured out many questions before Him. In those few hours the Lord used her to speak so much truth over me, I don’t think she realized how much she did. She also blessed me by gifting me with the new Kari Jobe CD. I was so happy because it had a song on the CD that I had been really wanting to download. I didn’t realize how much I was going to love the CD, and listen to it non stop. I pulled the lyrics out and started reading as I listened. I love doing that. The title to a song caught my eyes, ” My beloved “….the name the Lord continues to whisper to me. This summer I got a tattoo, the word “beloved” in hebrew. I started reading and tears filled up in my eyes, it was a song to me. The Lord knew that day I needed for him to Lavish his love on me, I was so struggling with my realization of sin in my life. I was struggling with who I was, and he just sang over me….

You’re My Beloved
You’re My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

You’re Beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you
My child

You’re Beautiful to Me
So Beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your care down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I’ll breathe My life inside of you
I’ll bear you up on eagle’s wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I’ll take you to My quiet waters
I’ll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole

You’re My beloved
You’re My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love

The last week I have spent babysitting, for a few days a little boy from the school I work at. I have babysat for him and his brother on occasion. This weekend, I am watching four boys who I would consider like my nephews, I have known them their whole lives. I am at that stage in life, that most of my friends are married and have children. I realize when I spend 24/7 with children what a sacrifice it is to really be a dedicated parent who really invests in their children. Since I already work at a school, and spend 7 hours a day with children, I KNOW what a difference it makes in children’s lives…. to have a parents who really pour into their children.
I remember being a little girl, and playing teacher, and mom everyday after school with other little girls in my neighborhood. I have never known any other desire but to be a wife and mom. I couldn’t picture my life turning out any other way.
I realize as I put other peoples kids to bed, pray with them, snuggle, cook for them, and take them to the movies, read to them…that the desire to be a mom has done nothing but grow to a longing over the years.
I honestly would have never imagined I would be my age, single and without children. Yet I know, I know God ordained each one of my days. I do wonder if and when, I think I grow tired of hearing everyone tell me what a great wife, and mom I will be and yet both of those areas of my life are empty.
So I guess I was just wanting to share my moment of ache with the world. What is your ache today?